When I first announced that I was getting divorced, the majority of my family and friends were surprised because I had always taken care not to let the ugly side of our marriage show.
At that point, I vowed that moving forward I would always be upfront and honest with no secrets. My motto has been, “Don’t ask me a question you don’t really want me to answer.”
For the most part, I’m a pretty open person these days. I’ve probably been accused of overshare more than once. And yet, here I sit, writing and erasing this post over and over again.
Because today, something happened to me and I really just wasn’t prepared. A friend outed me.
Being outed to friends is not as bad as being outed to strangers. But it can still be a shock to the system. I could have probably brushed off the information that was shared, but instead I ended up stating it rather forcefully and probably a bit more harshly than I needed to do.
The truth is – although I’m not ashamed, I do tend to be private about some areas of my life until I know people better. This includes the fact that I’m a bisexual and that I have a kinkier side. Past boyfriends have helped me explore that side, but now that I’m single again there are certain parts of my bisexual side that I haven’t been able to explore as comfortably before.
I just don’t want that part of my life to be the thing that people focus on. Yes, I have a non-traditional view of sex and other things. It’s an interesting psychological study, it’s a fascinating feature to some, repulsive to others. I’m not alone – I know this. But I’m the same person I was before people knew this.
Also, this side of my life is not just private for me – it’s private for the others who are in it with me. And in my effort to be honest and forthright about who I am, I still have to be respectful for who they are. I can only tell my story – I don’t have permission to tell theirs.
So here I am, out as I will probably ever be. But nothing about that has changed. I’m still Joey – girl geek, lover of men, and single 40-something. Thanks for reading.