What Those Closing Statements on eHarmony Really Meant

 

I have been having fun on eHarmony today. Well, not really “fun” but going through and closing out all the recent matches they have sent me.”Closing” a match means that you are no longer interested in the candidate. eHarmony doesn’t allow you to close the match without selecting a reason – here are your options and my interpretation of the actual reason one might pick. 

 

 

 

I think our family backgrounds are too different.
You are redneck, and I am above the likes of you.I have too much happening in my life at the moment.
You look like drama. I already have drama. Thank you, please move on.

I don’t feel that the chemistry is there.
There are not enough drugs in the world that would make you look good to me.

I don’t think our Must Haves and Can’t Stands fit. (This is a list of 10 things you want and don’t want in a mate)
You are way too demanding.

I think the physical distance between us is too great.
This is the default answer for almost everyone, I think. “Physical distance” can mean a lot of things including: ‘you are too short’, ‘i don’t want to hurt your feelings so I’ll blame gas prices’ or ‘i don’t think you are worth the drive.’

I want to pursue other matches at eHarmony.
There’s got to be SOMEBODY better than you out there for me.

I am pursuing another relationship.
Totally legit answer – but it can sometimes make you feel like – I found somebody else, you missed your chance with me, too late! and I found someone – you never will.

I’m just not ready for the next step.
You live too close for the “physical distance” answer – but I just can’t stand the thought of being with you.

I am taking a break from dating.
Thanks, I’ll pass on dating YOU – my break will be over when someone hot comes along.

I would rather not say.
Mom says, if you can’t say anything nice . . .

This match never responded to my request to communicate.
I reached out to you, you ignored me, and now I’m telling!

I think the difference in age between us is too great.
Go hit on someone from the nursing home, grandpa!

I think the difference in our values is too great.
Like I have some, and you don’t . . .

Based on statements in their profile, I’m not interested in this match.
Their profile contains the babblings of a psycho alien or unibomber.

Because there are no photos posted/I couldn’t see any photos.
Cause you could be ugly, and I don’t date ugly.

Because I was put on Hold.
Think you can put me on the backburner so you’ll have a fallback when Miss America dumps you? Homey don’t think so.

Because we are communicating outside of eHarmony
I’ve got his digits, I don’t want him holding up my chances for someone else . . .

Other
There is something so wrong with you, I can’t even put it in to words.