When I first announced that I was getting divorced, the majority of my family and friends were surprised because I had always taken care not to let the ugly side of our marriage show.

At that point, I vowed that moving forward I would always be upfront and honest with no secrets.  My motto has been, “Don’t ask me a question you don’t really want me to answer.”

For the most part, I’m a pretty open person these days.  I’ve probably been accused of overshare more than once.  And yet, here I sit, writing and erasing this post over and over again.

Because today, something happened to me and I really just wasn’t prepared. A friend outed me.

Being outed to friends is not as bad as being outed to strangers.  But it can still be a shock to the system.  I could have probably brushed off the information that was shared, but instead I ended up stating it rather forcefully and probably a bit more harshly than I needed to do.

The truth is – although I’m not ashamed, I do tend to be private about some areas of my life until I know people better. This includes the fact that I’m a bisexual and that I have a kinkier side. Past boyfriends have helped me explore that side, but now that I’m single again there are certain parts of my bisexual side that I haven’t been able to explore as comfortably before.

I just don’t want that part of my life to be the thing that people focus on.  Yes, I have a non-traditional view of sex and other things.  It’s an interesting psychological study, it’s a fascinating feature to some, repulsive to others.  I’m not alone – I know this.  But I’m the same person I was before people knew this.

Also, this side of my life is not just private for me – it’s private for the others who are in it with me.  And in my effort to be honest and forthright about who I am, I still have to be respectful for who they are.  I can only tell my story – I don’t have permission to tell theirs.

So here I am, out as I will probably ever be.  But nothing about that has changed.  I’m still Joey – girl geek, lover of men, and single 40-something.  Thanks for reading.