On Friday, I received the following message from a guy who had no profile, just a picture of a square of gridded carpet. He was listed as my age and nearby. I present the following conversation to you without running dialogue or any editing (although the lack of punctuation makes me twitch) so you can experience this in the same way I did.
He: Hey how are you doing Sweetie? You are very pretty
You are very pretty
Me: Thank you. You are very waffle-like.
He: Thank you I will send you a pic
Me: That would be nice
He: Can I email it to you
Me: [special email for online dating inserted here]
He: Give me a few minutes and I will send u one Sweetie
U into stocky guys
He: Ok cool
I am 5’10 290 short brown hair hazel eyes goatee
Me: Cool. No pic?
He: I am sending it.
Me: Ok. So I notice your profile says “available” not single. Are you married?
He: I am going through a separation
He: U still interested
Me: Do you still live together?
He: Currently we do not sleep together she is moving out after thabksgiving
U still interested
Me: I prefer to wait until you live apart.
What about friends with benefits for now
Me: Wouldn’t we have to be friends first?
He: That is what I am saying us be friends now and add benefits part til she gone
Me: Add benefits until she’s gone? Or after?
He: Til she is gone then we start a dating relationship.
Me: Wouldn’t that be a little backwards?
He: Not really
Me: So why did your current relationship end?
He: She does care about sex period and do not get along
Me: That’s too bad. How long were you together?
He: 10 years do u like sex
Me: I do like sex.
He: Good so do I
I love giving oral.
Me: Nice. So you are really just looking for sex, not a relationship then.
He: Yes I want both how about u
Me: I’m looking for a relationship
He: Would u concider on a first date
Me: Consider what?
He: Sex on a first date
Me: With the right person, maybe. But I would need to feel a connection first.
He: That is cool you like to receive oral
Me: If it is done right.
He: I know how to do it
Me: Still no pic
He: I will resend it
[I never received a pic. Big surprise.]