I lied about my first kiss. <\/p>\n
Not the one from the boy named Billy who defended my honor back in kindergarten. But the one in high school that I told my classmates about, rather than admitting that no boy had tried yet.<\/p>\n
It happens. But it\u2019s a shame when it does. Because when I finally did kiss a boy, when it finally happened, I couldn\u2019t tell anyone. I remember leaning in, my lips pressed to his, and thinking \u201cthis is my first kiss!<\/em>\u201d But after boasting that I had kissed already, I felt I had to play it cool rather than reveal my secret.<\/p>\n Other times, I\u2019ve lied to myself. \u201cThis is love,<\/em>\u201d I told myself with my first husband. At 23, I somehow convinced myself I was getting too old and may never get married. Then he and I met and rather than be alone I pushed and I prodded and I rushed our relationship from dating to living together to being engaged to getting married. One month after our wedding, I found myself lying face down on my bed, sobbing uncontrollably, feeling trapped in a situation that would continue until \u201cdeath do us part.\u201d It took me seven years and my dad\u2019s death before I had the courage to admit failure and move forward.<\/p>\n Why do we rush love? <\/p>\n It\u2019s kind of like power-leveling through a video game. We slash and hack and hurry through the starting zone, barely reading the quest descriptions or paying attention to the story line. We push to reach all the fabulous end-game content we\u2019ve read about and then suddenly \u2013 we are at a standstill. <\/p>\n I don\u2019t want to do that this time.<\/p>\n It\u2019s like trying to frost a cake that hasn\u2019t even baked yet. The process of mixing the ingredients, prepping the pans, preheating the oven, and the house filling with the wonderful smells: all this should be savored not microwaved. Anticipation gives heightened ecstasy.<\/p>\n Sometimes I wonder if we try to skip steps in the process because we don\u2019t want to take the time and then see the flaws. We figure if we hurry past the red flags, maybe they won\u2019t really apply to us. Sometimes we mistake the adrenalin of the hunt for the tingles of attraction.<\/p>\n I\u2019m afraid to say that this time is different for me. That sounds so clich\u00e9 and starry-eyed. But I\u2019m not so anxious this time: I\u2019m not looking to hit milestones and make declarations. I\u2019m okay with taking things slow. I\u2019m not seeking validation or assurances about what is happening. And for something truly shocking, I\u2019m not trying to control the outcome. <\/p>\n \u201cWho is this and what have you done with my Joey?<\/em>\u201d one of my close friends recently demanded. <\/p>\n She stopped to taste a bite of cake. And the cake is not a lie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I lied about my first kiss. Not the one from the boy named Billy who defended my honor back in kindergarten. But the one in high school that I told my classmates about, rather than admitting that no boy had tried yet. It happens. But it\u2019s a shame when it does. Because when I finally…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[208,9,207,209],"class_list":["post-438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating","tag-cake-is-a-lie","tag-dating-2","tag-end-game","tag-rushing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2UnPK-74","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=438"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=438"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=438"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=438"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}