{"id":434,"date":"2014-05-20T13:01:17","date_gmt":"2014-05-20T17:01:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/?p=434"},"modified":"2014-05-20T13:08:44","modified_gmt":"2014-05-20T17:08:44","slug":"dating-at-fortysomething","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/?p=434","title":{"rendered":"Dating at Fortysomething"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cI used to not have a problem putting myself out there<\/em>,\u201d my friend Randi said. \u201cI\u2019d go out, date guys, no problem. But then I got in to the more geeky side of things and when I\u2019d flirt with guys they\u2019d get this deer in the headlights look and I\u2019d get self-conscious and now it\u2019s been a while since I\u2019ve been out on a date. I guess I\u2019ve just forgotten how to flirt.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve had conversations like this with many of my friends in their forties and fifties. They used to date, they want to date, but somehow they just stopped dating. And they aren\u2019t sure why or if they are really ready to do something about it.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere do you ideally see yourself in 10 years?\u201d<\/em> I recently asked my friend Dave. \u201cDo you picture yourself with someone? Or do you see yourself alone? What would make you happy?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cIt depends<\/em>,\u201d he confessed. \u201cSome days I see it one way, other times I see it the other.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve never pictured myself alone. I\u2019m not afraid to be alone; I would just prefer not to be. Yet the older we get, the more often I see my friends operating on a solo flight through life. Some choose that path; others just accept it as their fate. Like many things, I think the opportunities to find that someone change as we get older. In high school or college you had parties and activities and a seemingly endless pool of candidates. As an adult, you have smaller pools with more complicated consequences \u2013 you don\u2019t want to date where you work, make things awkward amongst your friends, run in to them at your favorite hangouts, or be the creepy person in the grocery store trolling the produce aisle for melons and a phone number.<\/p>\n

Plus, there is the rejection. There is always someone prettier, younger, richer, more successful, thinner. We feel broken compared to them. And then there is the fear: why does this person like me? What\u2019s wrong with them? Why are they still single? They must be broken, too.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are all broken,<\/em>\u201d Rocker points out to me a lot. \u201cWhen you get to be our age, you are going to have a few nicks and dings and cracks. What you have to see is if both your broken bits work together or just make each of you worse.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

I kind of like that. In my head, I picture a wheel of four hands, each one holding together the broken bits of the other person\u2019s spoke. I\u2019ll have strength to cover you here, you have strength to cover me there. Together, holding hands, we\u2019ll get through this journey.<\/p>\n

I fail a lot. I look back at the past year and the men I\u2019ve dated and the reasons why things didn\u2019t work out. I\u2019ve been lied to, cheated on, stolen from, and sugar momma\u2019ed (is that a word?). I\u2019ve flirted with men who patted me on the head and walked away. I\u2019ve had others not even respond. But I\u2019ve also made some great friends, had some fond memories, and told some funny stories. I\u2019m not a natural at this dating thing \u2013 I\u2019m sometimes worse than a noob. But I keep trying.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s worth it, y\u2019know. Putting yourself out there. I know I\u2019m in a good place right now, so it\u2019s easier for me to say that. But this blog proves I\u2019ve been in bad places too. You have to keep trying \u2013 working at it \u2013 failing at it \u2013 and trying again. May we all find someone else to hold hands with.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cI used to not have a problem putting myself out there,\u201d my friend Randi said. \u201cI\u2019d go out, date guys, no problem. But then I got in to the more geeky side of things and when I\u2019d flirt with guys they\u2019d get this deer in the headlights look and I\u2019d get self-conscious and now it\u2019s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[200,9,202,206,204,201,203,205,7],"class_list":["post-434","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating","tag-broken","tag-dating-2","tag-dating-at-forty","tag-dave","tag-flirting","tag-forty","tag-geeks","tag-randi","tag-rocker"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2UnPK-70","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/434","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=434"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/434\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=434"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=434"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=434"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}