He contacted me again.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve been broken up for a year, and yet he still is part of my thoughts. Some thoughts are kind, some . . . well, not so much. Sometimes I want to hate him, but what does that solve?<\/p>\n
Today wasn\u2019t one of those days. No, today he messaged me to say he found a few more things of mine as he was packing up his house to sell it. I waited for the usual adrenalin surge of anxiety\u2013 a normally crashing wave that retreats quickly but leaves me feeling the effects for hours after.<\/p>\n
This time? Nothing. A mild curiosity of what other things may have been found. A little bit of a desire to text back and say, \u201cwow, all these changes you said you would never make \u2013 and you made them all in a year<\/em>.\u201d But that would serve no beneficial purpose, and I\u2019m better than that (or at least will continue to pretend to be until it\u2019s true \u2013 \u201cfake it till you make it\u201d style.)<\/p>\n When I first realized that I wasn\u2019t all aghast, I mused that it could be because I have someone who makes me happy right now. I\u2019ve actually been very fortunate \u2013 each time he has contacted me, I\u2019ve had, for however briefly, a potential romantic someone in my life. But I think it\u2019s more than that.<\/p>\n I love the title of Sarah McLachlan’s album \u201cFumbling Towards Ecstasy<\/em>.\u201d I just love that phrase. Fumbling towards Ecstasy.<\/p>\n I fumble for the bathroom every morning. Contacts stuck to my eyeballs, toes trying to avoid stubbing themselves on random shoes and clothes on the floor, fingers trying to find the light switch, hoping to make my destination before it\u2019s too late. Fumbling, stumbling, eyes half-opened, trying not to fall. Unsure, trying to get there, lacking confidence or knowledge of the perfect path. <\/p>\n Well, that\u2019s me in a nutshell. I\u2019m a great fumbler. But to fumble towards ecstasy \u2013 well, that means that you are moving towards a positive. And although you might have to deal with some dirty laundry along the way, you are moving forward, trending in the right direction. Willing to reach out and feel it, knowing you might touch something you don\u2019t want to in order to find something you do.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know what exactly I\u2019ve found yet. But the closer I get, the warmer the sun feels, the sweeter the birds\u2019 song in my ear. It could just be a rest area on the journey \u2013 but some rest areas have the best scenic views, don\u2019t they?<\/p>\n A lot of my friends have been posting things they are thankful for this month. Well, this is one of mine. I\u2019m thankful that today, I\u2019m fumbling forward with good things ahead.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" He contacted me again. We\u2019ve been broken up for a year, and yet he still is part of my thoughts. Some thoughts are kind, some . . . well, not so much. Sometimes I want to hate him, but what does that solve? Today wasn\u2019t one of those days. No, today he messaged me to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[9,136,138,137],"class_list":["post-400","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating","tag-dating-2","tag-exes","tag-fumbling-towards-ecstasy","tag-sarah-mclachlan"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2UnPK-6s","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/400","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=400"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/400\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=400"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=400"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=400"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}