Several of my friends have told me that they have just given up on love. They read my blog posts, shake their heads, and then say, \u201cAnd this is why I stopped dating.\u201d<\/p>\n
I totally get that. <\/p>\n
I also have friends that tell me how hurt they were by the last relationship, and how hesitant they are at being hurt again, and say, \u201cThis is why I never started again.\u201d<\/p>\n
I can understand that too.<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t operate that way though. Each time I meet someone and it just doesn\u2019t work out, I shake the dust off and try again. Every good date results in a new friend, every bad date turns in to blog fodder. Either way \u2013 I have to give myself permission to try again.<\/p>\n
Sometimes trying means getting out of my comfort zone and just putting myself out there. Over and over again. It can feel like standing naked in front of a classroom \u2013 the stuff nightmares and panic attacks are made of, for sure. The reality is that either I keep trying or I lose out. Like they say, \u201cyou can\u2019t win the lottery if you don\u2019t buy a ticket.\u201d<\/p>\n
So I keep trying. I figure the bad, weird, or uncomfortable situations at least make me sure of what I do or do not want. I talk things out with friends, I put on a cute outfit when I would rather slum around in sweats, and I smile. I always try to smile.<\/p>\n
And you know what? Sometimes it works. And then smiling isn\u2019t so hard to do.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t \u201chave\u201d to be in a relationship. I think maybe I used to. I know others who have made it clear that they just \u201ccan\u2019t\u201d be alone and have grabbed at the first willing victim who arrived. Been there, married that. Divorced that too \u2013 after 2 years and multiple court processes. So yeah, let\u2019s not do that again.<\/p>\n
This time around, I made myself some promises: No rushing in to anything. No apologies for past learning experiences. Lots of permission to explore. An understanding that being treated well is not a selfish thing. Honesty about what makes sense, and what just masks loneliness.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve already gained a lot as a result. Being single has allowed me to renew old friendships and deepen others. I\u2019ve tried new things and explored new places. I\u2019ve gone out more and stayed home less. Some things I\u2019ve lost \u2013 like rose colored glasses. But I\u2019m not willing to be bitter about what I\u2019ve learned. Everything \u2013 yes everything \u2013 that has happened has had an impact on who I am. I\u2019m okay with that.<\/p>\n
And if things don\u2019t work out like I think they may, I\u2019m giving myself permission try again.<\/p>\n
You should too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Several of my friends have told me that they have just given up on love. They read my blog posts, shake their heads, and then say, \u201cAnd this is why I stopped dating.\u201d I totally get that. I also have friends that tell me how hurt they were by the last relationship, and how hesitant…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[9,99,98,100],"class_list":["post-370","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating","tag-dating-2","tag-hope","tag-loneliness","tag-trying"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2UnPK-5Y","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/370","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=370"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/370\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=370"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=370"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=370"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}