I\u2019ve never felt pressured to have sex on the third date, or felt that any guy I was with expected it just because they paid for dinner, etc. I publicly applaud the men I\u2019ve gone out with for never making me feel that way, and thank them for their gentlemanly ways.<\/p>\n
That being said, I think that kissing, like sex, needs to be mutually decided upon. I recently had a pleasant dinner out with someone. We laughed and joked but we both agreed why we would not work out as a couple. So it should have been clear, right? But at the end of the date, as we were standing by our cars and I reached out to give him a friendly hug, he held me tight and would not let me go until he kissed me.<\/p>\n
I pulled back and tried to laugh it off, quickly opening my car door and jumping inside. <\/p>\n
\u201cNo more kissing!\u201d<\/em> I cried out, wagging my finger at him. <\/p>\n He held the door so I couldn\u2019t close it, reached inside and said, \u201cJust one more on the cheek \u2013 just the cheek!\u201d<\/em> I exclaimed, \u201cI\u2019m out of here!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n I quickly drove off, feeling like maybe I should have been ruder or more serious, but I had defaulted to joking or laughing, my usual response to uncomfortable situations.<\/p>\n A friend of mine had been on several dates with the same guy, so I asked her if he ever did it to her.<\/p>\n \u201cHe was an aggressive kisser is what I would say.\u201d <\/Em> She answered. \u201cNever hurtful, just always wanting to kiss and not shy about trying. Makes it hard to know when to push back. . .Does that make sense? Very alpha, take charge. Which is nice some times, just not every time.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n I thought for a moment before typing back.<\/p>\n \u201cIt makes sense, but it\u2019s not okay. He shouldn\u2019t be doing that. I feel like I can\u2019t go out with him again because I can\u2019t trust him not to respect my personal space.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cIt was one of my issues too,<\/em>\u201d she replied. \u201c. . . He\u2019s a nice guy, just not for me and apparently not for you. I think we both like a little give and take rather [than a] constant demand without checking with us.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n So how does one fix this? Ideally, I\u2019ve been on dates where I have given a clear signal that holding my hand or kissing me would be okay (like leaning in with a smile) and my date has understood that, and it worked out well. I\u2019ve also been on dates where the man has asked permission every step of the way \u2013 holding my hand, giving me a hug, kissing me, etc. Sometimes that can seem awkward and clunky, but at least both of us know it is okay to proceed.<\/p>\n As a woman, and maybe a more retro version of one, I don\u2019t want to be the move-maker all the time. I want to be romanced and charmed and flattered and flirted with. I like to know that someone wants me. <\/p>\n By wanting to be in that role, does that mean I\u2019ve increased my chances of the Alpha Male domination? Maybe. I don\u2019t have a clear cut answer for how to change my ways to decrease my odds and still be in a role where the man is not emasculated, left waiting for me to make all the moves.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t think it\u2019s easy for the man to be the one who extends himself for possible rejection. I know it\u2019s rough to put yourself out there. <\/p>\n This is not one of my pithy, “Look what I just figured out<\/em>” stories. I don’t have an answer for this one. It is just something that frustrates me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve never felt pressured to have sex on the third date, or felt that any guy I was with expected it just because they paid for dinner, etc. I publicly applaud the men I\u2019ve gone out with for never making me feel that way, and thank them for their gentlemanly ways. That being said, I…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[9,94,92,93],"class_list":["post-362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating","tag-dating-2","tag-etiquette","tag-kissing","tag-third-date"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2UnPK-5Q","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/362","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=362"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/362\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nAnd he grabbed my face and despite me saying \u201cNo! No!<\/em>\u201d insisted on kissing my cheek before finally backing off so I could shut the door. <\/p>\n