{"id":327,"date":"2013-05-10T12:48:03","date_gmt":"2013-05-10T16:48:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/?p=327"},"modified":"2019-06-08T11:31:09","modified_gmt":"2019-06-08T15:31:09","slug":"what-those-closing-statements-on-eharmony-really-meant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/?p=327","title":{"rendered":"What Those Closing Statements on eHarmony Really Meant"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here’s another post I found on my old OKCupid journal that I thought you might like to see.\u00a0 I had an eHarmony profile back in those days – and I’m not sure if the process has changed or not – but back then you had to choose a reason whenever you wanted to delete a match from your account.<\/em> This was originally written in December 2007.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/div>\n
I have been having fun on eHarmony today. Well, not really “fun” but going through and closing out all the recent matches they have sent me.”Closing” a match means that you are no longer interested in the candidate. eHarmony doesn’t allow you to close the match without selecting a reason – here are your options and my interpretation of the actual reason one might pick.\u00a0<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
I think our family backgrounds are too different.<\/strong>
\nYou are redneck, and I am above the likes of you.<\/em>I have too much happening in my life at the moment.<\/strong>
\nYou look like drama. I already have drama. Thank you, please move on.<\/em><\/p>\n

I don’t feel that the chemistry is there.<\/strong>
\nThere are not enough drugs in the world that would make you look good to me.<\/em><\/p>\n

I don’t think our Must Haves and Can’t Stands fit.<\/strong> (This is a list of 10 things you want and don’t want in a mate)
\nYou are way too demanding.<\/em><\/p>\n

I think the physical distance between us is too great.<\/strong>
\nThis is the default answer for almost everyone, I think. “Physical distance” can mean a lot of things including: ‘you are too short’, ‘i don’t want to hurt your feelings so I’ll blame gas prices’ or ‘i don’t think you are worth the drive.’<\/em><\/p>\n

I want to pursue other matches at eHarmony.<\/strong>
\nThere’s got to be SOMEBODY better than you out there for me.<\/em><\/p>\n

I am pursuing another relationship.<\/strong>
\nTotally legit answer – but it can sometimes make you feel like – I found somebody else, you missed your chance with me, too late! and I found someone – you never will.<\/em><\/p>\n

I’m just not ready for the next step.<\/strong>
\nYou live too close for the “physical distance” answer – but I just can’t stand the thought of being with you.<\/em><\/p>\n

I am taking a break from dating.<\/strong>
\nThanks, I’ll pass on dating YOU – my break will be over when someone hot comes along.<\/em><\/p>\n

I would rather not say.<\/strong>
\nMom says, if you can’t say anything nice . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

This match never responded to my request to communicate.<\/strong>
\nI reached out to you, you ignored me, and now I’m telling!<\/em><\/p>\n

I think the difference in age between us is too great.<\/strong>
\nGo hit on someone from the nursing home, grandpa!<\/em><\/p>\n

I think the difference in our values is too great.<\/strong>
\nLike I have some, and you don’t . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

Based on statements in their profile, I’m not interested in this match.<\/strong>
\nTheir profile contains the babblings of a psycho alien or unibomber.<\/em><\/p>\n

Because there are no photos posted\/I couldn’t see any photos.<\/strong>
\nCause you could be ugly, and I don’t date ugly.<\/em><\/p>\n

Because I was put on Hold.<\/strong>
\nThink you can put me on the backburner so you’ll have a fallback when Miss America dumps you? Homey don’t think so.<\/em><\/p>\n

Because we are communicating outside of eHarmony<\/strong>
\nI’ve got his digits, I don’t want him holding up my chances for someone else . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

Other<\/strong>
\nThere is something so wrong with you, I can’t even put it in to words.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here’s another post I found on my old OKCupid journal that I thought you might like to see.\u00a0 I had an eHarmony profile back in those days – and I’m not sure if the process has changed or not – but back then you had to choose a reason whenever you wanted to delete a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"What Those Closing Statements on eHarmony Really Meant http:\/\/wp.me\/p2UnPK-5h","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[82,9,81],"class_list":["post-327","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating","tag-closing-matches","tag-dating-2","tag-eharmony"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2UnPK-5h","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/327","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=327"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/327\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=327"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=327"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=327"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}