{"id":324,"date":"2013-05-09T08:00:35","date_gmt":"2013-05-09T12:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/?p=324"},"modified":"2019-06-08T11:30:19","modified_gmt":"2019-06-08T15:30:19","slug":"please-excuse-the-mess","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/?p=324","title":{"rendered":"Please Excuse The Mess"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was going through some old journal entries on my OKCupid profile, and came across this poem I had written back in 2007.  This would have been a few months after having broken up from a second, long-distance attempt with Sully.  I was also living with my mom after escaping from crazy psycho roommate and feeling like that cliche – 30-something divorced chick living with mom and trying to put the pieces back together.<\/em><\/p>\n

Please Excuse The Mess<\/p>\n

Please excuse me if I appear to be leaking –
\nI promise the tears are only matters of time.
\nMy heart and my soul can’t find what they’re seeking.
\nAnd yet in my sorrow I’m starting to rhyme.<\/p>\n

I can’t tell my mother, she’s in her room sleeping.
\nThe friends I call out to don’t answer their phone.
\nI sit at my desk and I ponder my options.
\nAnd yet all I know is that I shouldn’t be alone.<\/p>\n

I curse at the things that send hormones raging
\nThat send the blood pumping in pain in my head
\nThe brain that won’t stop me from constantly thinking
\nWhen all that I want is to curl up in bed.<\/p>\n

I think through too much, no one could survive it,
\nThe marathon madness that pushes on through
\nThe decisions so random to like it or hate it
\nI wish it would stop or I knew what to do.<\/p>\n

This now is when I wish I had bondage
\nTo tie up the twitches that run through my veins
\nThe darkness that seeks me is just an illusion
\nThe sorrow I feel is all in my brain.<\/p>\n

Others can freely embrace love around them
\nOthers can freely express how they feel
\nOthers can feed when their souls become hungry
\nOthers can do it, but what is my deal?<\/p>\n

I who seek pleasure and comfort, eluded
\nConfused and too eager, desperately try
\nTo squelch down the madness I see myself reaking
\nTo take the insanity and cause it to die.<\/p>\n

Wildly I quiver, to share now so freely
\nThe crazed bizarre thoughts that go running past
\nI cover my face in hopes I can stop it
\nBut nothing I do can catch them so fast.<\/p>\n

So here I linger, waiting for rescue
\nKnowing I’m only now giving the cue.
\nWill someone save me? Is there a knight present?
\nWhat good it would do me, I haven’t a clue.<\/p>\n

And so I now sadly slink back to my chamber
\nHoping to deafen the songs that I hear
\nThank you for reading, please don’t reject me
\nDon’t run away, but please don’t come too near.<\/p>\n

Give precious moments before you abandon
\nWhatever odd kindness you muster for me.
\nAnd as you now search for a cure for my ailment
\nI hope that time will soon set me free.<\/p>\n

–cjp 10.26.07<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was going through some old journal entries on my OKCupid profile, and came across this poem I had written back in 2007.  This would have been a few months after having broken up from a second, long-distance attempt with Sully.  I was also living with my mom after escaping from crazy psycho roommate and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"New Poetry Post: Please Excuse The Mess http:\/\/wp.me\/p2UnPK-5e","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[80,9,228,79],"class_list":["post-324","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating","tag-80","tag-dating-2","tag-poetry","tag-sully"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2UnPK-5e","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/324","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=324"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/324\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=324"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=324"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=324"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}