On Tuesday, I had the honor to participate in \u201cShout Out! Against Sexual Violence<\/i>,\u201d an annual event hosted by the Orange County Rape Crisis Center.\u00a0 It was the first time I had ever publicly read something out loud about my childhood molestation, and although I was told my voice remained steady and strong, my right hand was trembling like a leaf.\u00a0 I was glad I hadn\u2019t worn any jangling bracelets or big rings or I would have been a personal music factory.<\/p>\n
I admired so many of the brave women and men (did you know that 1 of every 6 men are also a victim of sexual violations?) that got up and shared their stories.\u00a0 Some did it through music, poetry, art.\u00a0 Many got up and read something they had prepared, others with tears in their eyes just spoke from their hearts.\u00a0 Some spoke on behalf of themselves, several shared on behalf of others.\u00a0<\/p>\n
After it was over, 4 of us went out for dinner and it felt good to laugh and be silly after the intensity of emotions.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0But invariably, the conversation ended with us circling back to the sexual harassments and abuses we have seen in the community and talking about what can be done to help.\u00a0<\/p>\n
One of the harshest realities was how many religious communities, and particularly women, will shun the victims of abuse.\u00a0 One woman was told that her rape was her fault because she had put herself in a position where she was alone with a man. Another woman was told that she had brought the sexual harassment upon herself because, \u201cwhere there\u2019s smoke, there\u2019s fire.\u201d\u00a0 Many were encouraged to be quiet and just get over it.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s hard to wrap my head around \u2013 that these acts of victim blame are still perpetuated today.\u00a0 Haven\u2019t we come further along than this?\u00a0 Are we still so quick to protect the guilty and blame or discredit the abused?<\/p>\n
In contrast, this morning I met behind closed doors with others who asked to hear my story.\u00a0 To speak above a whisper about the abuse and perceptions and teachings and attitudes I knew about.\u00a0 To not name names as much as to communicate failings and areas which need to be improved.<\/p>\n
To come from an evening of such openness and then recall events so shrouded with secrecy was heartbreaking.\u00a0 To boldly discuss a place of opportunity that had often been a place of judgment for me and others. Where I found myself to be found wanting in so many areas, and unable to entrust those I should with my hurt, pain, and emotional struggles.<\/p>\n
It was liberating to tell my story to this group as we sat in this private conference room.\u00a0 To unflinchingly discuss things I\u2019d been told I shouldn\u2019t.\u00a0 I know that others told stories beyond what I had experienced, and that what I said was on the periphery of the core information they sought.\u00a0 But if I helped to explain the picture just a little clearer, and to show that I had made it through to the other side, maybe I had helped.<\/p>\n
I confronted my molester almost a decade ago, and have worked my way through to a place of healing and forgiveness now. \u00a0There are those who may read this and be worried.\u00a0 Don\u2019t be.\u00a0 I was telling my story, not yours.\u00a0<\/p>\n
When I was done, one of the interviewers leaned forward and asked me, \u201cWhat do you hope to see happen as a result of what you shared?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
I thought about it for a minute.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t regret what happened to me \u2013 it has made me who I am, and helped me to understand and help others.\u00a0 But I hope that maybe in the future there won\u2019t be so many who need to be helped.\u00a0 And maybe making it easier for there to be open communication, that it won\u2019t be just brushed off with a \u2018these things just happen sometimes\u2019 shrug.\u00a0 I\u2019m not seeking to hurt or punish anyone \u2013 but to help others from having to go through this in the future.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
I\u2019m not\u00a0trying to be a \u00a0hero when I say this.\u00a0 I\u2019m just thankful I\u2019m a survivor – and want to make sure others survive as well.<\/p>\n
So Say We All?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
On Tuesday, I had the honor to participate in \u201cShout Out! Against Sexual Violence,\u201d an annual event hosted by the Orange County Rape Crisis Center.\u00a0 It was the first time I had ever publicly read something out loud about my childhood molestation, and although I was told my voice remained steady and strong, my right…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[231],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-300","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-joey-lives"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2UnPK-4Q","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/300","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=300"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/300\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=300"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=300"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}