{"id":174,"date":"2013-04-01T10:00:22","date_gmt":"2013-04-01T10:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/?p=174"},"modified":"2013-04-01T06:00:32","modified_gmt":"2013-04-01T10:00:32","slug":"the-rondom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/?p=174","title":{"rendered":"The Rondom"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ron is a real person, and not an April’s Fool Joke.\u00a0 He dated my sister and invaded our lives for a portion of time.\u00a0 Maybe you have a Ron?\u00a0 or Ronette?\u00a0 Or know a Ronulian – someone who is Ron-like? or a Ron-duh – someone silly enough to put up with him?\u00a0 If so, I empathize.\u00a0 Happy Ronday!<\/em><\/p>\n

So, given some of my previous encounters with Ron, I was more than dismayed when my sister announced that they had recently had a pregnancy test done. I tried to point out the facts as plainly as I could and convince her that\u00a0getting pregnant\u00a0might not be the best idea right now.<\/p>\n

My sister agreed but confessed that they did not use condoms and in fact had never used a condom. I immediately offered to rectify this situation. I picked up my sister and we made our way to CVS. My sister stood in the condom aisle with a blank look on her face.<\/p>\n

“How do I know what to get?”<\/em><\/p>\n

A horrible image flashed before my eyes – I was involuntarily picturing Ron naked! I threw up a little in my mouth and had to swallow it back down to ask, “Well, umm, is Ron a, uh, eww, uh big guy? or a little guy?”<\/em><\/p>\n

My sister then told me that he wore a size large shirt.<\/p>\n

“That’s not what I mean. Does Ron (*wince*) have a big member or a little member?”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Oh!”<\/em> my sister said. “Ron has no problem in that area. He’s quite large. In fact, his other girlfriends often tell him that he’s the biggest they’ve ever had.”<\/em><\/p>\n

At this time, the gag reflux was in full throttle so I just grabbed a box of magnums and hurried her to the checkout counter.<\/p>\n

After awkwardly explaining to my little sister different ways to apply a condom (after all – this is my LITTLE sister!!) I sent her on her way – trying unsuccessfully to banish the image of her and Ron getting it on.<\/p>\n

I woke up screaming several times that night.<\/span><\/p>\n

A few days later, my sister called and I asked her how it went.<\/p>\n

“Well, we had problems getting it on.”<\/em> she confessed.<\/p>\n

“Why?”<\/em> I asked. “Did it still not fit?”<\/em><\/p>\n

“No,”<\/em> she answered. “It didn’t fit right at all!”<\/em><\/p>\n

I cringed at the thought of having to research extra-large condoms for a man who already made my skin crawl.<\/p>\n

“Every time he put it on,”<\/em> she said. “The darn things just fell right off! No matter how big we tried to make him – they were just too loose!”<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ron is a real person, and not an April’s Fool Joke.\u00a0 He dated my sister and invaded our lives for a portion of time.\u00a0 Maybe you have a Ron?\u00a0 or Ronette?\u00a0 Or know a Ronulian – someone who is Ron-like? or a Ron-duh – someone silly enough to put up with him?\u00a0 If so, I…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-ron-blogs"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2UnPK-2O","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=174"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/174\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joeywrites.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}