“I don’t want to date anymore.” He said. “I’ve decided I just want to build a community of friends and work from there. Y’know, find a friend in Pineville, one in Uptown, one in University. . .”
“A girl in every port?” I asked.
“Naw, why you gotta be like that? I just mean that I don’t see the point of dating. If you find a girl you like, and she’s cool, and you meet her friends, and they’re cool, and then you date and decide to break up . . . you lose all that. And I’m just not willing to give any friendships up.”
I understand where he’s coming from. One of the hardest things about ending a relationship is the unavoidable strain it can put on those friendships and associations you made through your partner. The division of material things is never as difficult for me as the division of your heart.
That being said, I think if you shy away from dating because of a fear of loss, you’ll never give yourself the opportunity to gain something either.
But I get it. Last week, I took a chance and finally asked someone out that I’ve had a crush on for months. There were all sorts of reasons why I originally held off: I was too recently broken up and still in recovery mode, I wasn’t sure if he was actually single, I’m the girl and I was hoping he would ask me out instead, etc.
One of the easiest justifications I told myself was this: “Well, I met him because he came to events I organized. If I ask him out, and he’s not interested, then he might feel funny about coming to events, and I don’t want to put anyone in that position. And I would never want anyone to think that I’m using my group as my personal dating pool.”
Sounds great, doesn’t it? Very noble of me and all that. Reality? Bwawk, bwawk – big fat chicken. It was so much easier to just keep them in The Friend Zone and pine away semi-silently like a Victorian novel.
Three Days. It took three days before he replied back. And during those three days, I kept wondering if it would have been better to stay in The Friend Zone rather than risk it all. His response was positive and we are going to grab a drink when our busy schedules permit.
But even if he hadn’t answered back, I’m glad that I didn’t zone out. Because you are never going to win the lottery if you don’t occasionally take a chance. No matter what the outcome, the only loser is the one who doesn’t try.