I feel I would be remiss if I did not finish this story, even though it may cast a somewhat disparaging light on me. I did not reply to Trotter’s last email, but within a day or so, I got another one.
“. . . I would still like to meet you for lunch one day, but I don’t want to pressure you.”
To which I replied:
“Thanks. I’m not sure that we would be a good fit – I think we have different mindsets on things.”
He thanked me for my time, complimented me again on my eyes, and went radio silent. Five days later, I received the following email from him.
“Good morning. I hope U R doing well. Curiousity has gotten the best of me. I know U R not interested in me, but I have to ask. What did I say that made you think we have different mindsets? Was it my comment about not dating outside my own race? If so, I am not racist in any way. I have black friends and black co-workers whom I treat just as I do anyone else, with the respect they deserve.”
(Okay, content aside for a minute. U R? Seriously?? You are in your 40s – you can spell it out.)
At first I was just going to ignore his email. A part of me just wanted to delete it and him from my memory. But finally, I gave in to my more wicked side.
I waited two days before answering back:
“I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. Yes, the race comment was a big turn off. I know you don’t view yourself as racist, and I get that. But I am part black – and you obviously would have an issue with that.”
Here is where you may judge me, however harshly. Can I prove that I have any black in my genetic makeup? No. But I’m French and y’all know that we are lovers, not fighters. If history has taught us nothing else, it has taught us that we French would lay down for anybody. My family tree is a rainbow of races and creeds. I know I’m multi-racial. What races? I don’t really know, nor should it matter. And that’s my point.
Here’s what Trotter answered back:
“There is no need for you to apologize. I on the other hand, want to sincerely apologize to you if I offended you in any way by my comments. I definitely did not intend to do so. I am definitely not racist/prejudice in any way. Two of my nieces are bi-racial and I love those two girls just as much as I love every other relative I have, and I am proud to be their uncle. As I said before, my step-sister is divorced from my brother-in-law, who is a black man, but they are currently back together, though they are still divorced.
I currently live with my step-sister, her ex-husband, and my two bi-racial nieces in [redacted]. I have never dated anyone outside my race, and I have chosen not to do so up to this point based solely on how some of our dumb ass family members view bi-racial marriages. I have witnessed my step-sister being treated differently by some of our family members due to her previous marriage and her two youngest children and it really angers and frustrates me. I hold NOTHING against you for being bi-racial. I base my opinion of you based solely on you, not your race, skin pigment, education, etc.
In my opinion you are a pretty, intelligent woman, whom I am still interested in, but I understand my comment turned you off and I REALLY hate that. I have no issue(s) with you being bi-racial, and that would not keep me in any way from wanting to meet you, learning more about you, or date you, but I understand if you choose to not talk to me again. Take care and again I am sorry.”
I appreciate that he apologized. I appreciate that that he tried to make amends. He’s still an idiot, but I appreciate what he tried to say. And that he willingly admitted that he’s not man enough to face his family who may be more racist than he is.
The one statement that really stuck in my craw was this:
“. . . I base my opinion of you based solely on you, not your race, skin pigment, education, etc.. . “
I wanted to ask him why I was afforded such a privilege of stayed judgment, when the black woman who had contacted him originally was not given that same respect. Since, y’know, he gives the same level of respect to every black person that he gives everyone else.
I didn’t respond, and I won’t. I could go on, but I won’t do that either.
Besides, I’ve found something much better. But that’s another story.