The hardest part about constantly putting yourself out there is knowing that every time you do, you may stumble and fall. I do that a lot. In my eagerness to chase that which is good, sometimes I stub my toe or bruise a knee on the sticks waving the red flags.
This is the case with the knight. I’ve had to take a huge step back and turn and head off in another direction. It hurts – there are things about him that I enjoy tremendously. He is a talented writer – and wrote wonderful emails and short stories. He would cross his arms on the table and make this face and his hair would fall this certain way . . . and it would just do things to me. We have so much in common, and he reminded me of things about myself that I might have forgotten. He even took me on a picnic in the park – and I got to sit for hours enjoying the breeze on my face, watching the ducks and geese fly and swim, and just “be” for a bit.
But there are certain paths I have been down before, and even though I might be better at navigating the rocky trail this time around, I just can’t bring myself to go there again.
“Personality draws you like a moth to an open flame . . .” Rocker observed.
He’s right. The most attractive thing to me about anybody is their emotions and how they connect to them: twinkling eyes, animated enthusiasm about things or ideas, passionate intensity; raw sadness, shy appreciation, deep concentration. The recognition that the person I am talking to is more than an automaton, an operating humanoid. That they are not just keeping me in the lobby of their soul, but actually letting me see and maybe walk in to the cerebral rooms of who they are and really understand what motivates them.
So it’s back to the drawing boards for Joey. I’m talking to 2 new fellows – one from PlentyofFish, one from OKCupid. An email also arrived with a special deal on eHarmony – it was so good, I decided to give it a try for 3 months. Maybe guys who pay to meet me will be different? Course, I’m paying to meet them too, so that raises the bar. Last time I was on eHarmony, I met Tide Boy – it cost me $238, but I found a friend for life and those are priceless, aren’t they?
I keep telling myself that.